LECTURES
by NabikiB
Summary: A 12th Doctor-Muse Explains a few things... Rated T for cursing near the bottom of the page. Be afraid...be very afraid. He speaks of things no one wants to hear...you know how he is...babbling on...


**Summary: **A 12th Doctor muse explains a few points I missed...in _very _condescending tones.

**LECTURING MY TYPIST: **

**A MUSE'S EXPLANATION OF THE UNORTHODOX LIFE-CYCLE OF THE DOCTOR, TO A WRITER**

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE THE DOCTOR WHO LIFE/BODY COUNT MESSED UP: Stop counting FIRST as a regeneration...that Him was LOOMED. That's the first thing. The second thing is pay closer attention to the last five or six seconds of the part of The 2013 Christmas Special when the crack gave him back his Life...there's a quiet whisper that sounded a lot like Rose...or Bad Wolf just before he got it back...or did not notice. It wouldn't surprise me, you writers miss _**so **_much.

_Oh gee, thanks a lot. _

A Gift of an Extra Life Cycle: For those, who, like you, weren't pay attention to the details, your beloved Doctor has slid a few extra lives in on you, in canon, and you lot weren't pay attention.

_OMG...what are you on about now?_

Given the Mini Episode Shown on the BBC website...and thus making it canon...that showed 8th's regeneration into the War Doctor...you have to recount...because John Hurt's War Doctor is NOT Eighth...and this was the first of three. That's right...I said THREE. *pause* That's a very unpleasant expression, you know. Close your mouth, you look like a freshly caught fish gaping like that.

_**Dude, I do have **_**other **_**fandoms, you know. I **_**can **_**just stick you back in the basement.**_

*clears throat and hastily continues*

Now then, I know the hard core people don't want to have to change the Doctor's body count, _but that's just too bad cuz Moffat already did. _Get over it and move on. I'm adding the body numbers and the regeneration numbers to their correct Doctor. You've been using the body number when you name the Doctor, but you've been calling it the regeneration number _which is incorrect_.

(No, not you, Typist, but you _did _miss the extra regeneration that occurred _because of the unorthodox method he employed_, certainly, but you did miss it, nevertheless..._put the White Out down_.)

To continue, Time Lords, when the Eye was active, got a total of 12 lives, not twelve regenerations, so you have to get the numbers right. First step to getting the regeneration numbers right is to STOP counting the first as a regeneration. He was LOOMED, for spit's sake.

(Loomed - ORIGINAL DOCTOR)

First he was okay, really. He just had a low tolerance for BS and people who were being deliberately stupid.

(1st regen)

Second was okay and he'd have made someone a NEAT weird uncle...

(2nd regen)

Third was alright, if a bit of a poof.

(3rd regen)

Four is my Typist's favorite cuz he was in that body when she found him.

(4th regen)

Five was pretty, really pretty.

(5th regen)

Didn't like Six, aside from being a walking embarrassment he was more than just a little bit of a bunghole..

(6th regen)

Didn't like Seven, manipulative little...anyway.

(7th regen)

Eight was beautiful, inside and out, Second Favorite.

(8th regen)

War Doctor (Real 9) Has no English accent. Matter of fact, since I can't hear an accent at all, I think that one is American...which means that potion 8th took prior to regenerating did it's job, Americans are good in a fight and we'll do what needs doing. I liked that body. I seriously did adore John Hurt's Doctor...

(9th regen)

Chris' Doctor (REAL 10) In shock for a good portion of his tenure, part of which was probably because he couldn't remember where he'd heard Rose Tyler's name before or why she was precious...and likely figured it out right as he kissed BW...which would account for the odd glances he gave Rose.

_**Here is where the unorthodox Regeneration took place. This is the First Problem, together with the War Doctor, it adds two bodies and two Regenerations to your previous count. Only, you knew about this one and still failed to add it...what is wrong with you people? If it uses a Regeneration, it COUNTS. It doesn't matter that only a part human Doctor was created, **__the energy was still used._

**(10th regen)**

**David's Doctor. (REAL 11th)**

**Bi-Polar, PTSD, ADD, ADHD, Got a lot of denial going on an should be on medication. Sorry, not on favorites list due to being more that just a little unstable and somewhat irresponsible. The Ood told him his song was ending...they didn't mean the Tenth's Song, they meant the DOCTOR'S SONG, was ending. **_**This should have been the last body in the main universe since the metacrisis already existed when this body ended it's Time, even though he was elsewhere. Still counts.**_

**(11th regen)**

**David's Biological Metacrisis (The 'hand' was used to store the energy from a regeneration, which was later used to FORM Ten2, technically, this makes him the REAL 12th) There is a possibility he **_**will **_**regenerate in the other universe, though, given that we now know our's has had his entire lifecycle reset and restarted.**

(12th regen)

Matt's Doctor (REAL 13th) _This body should have never formed._ THIS is the reset, for all intents and purposes, he was extra. Given that, the Doctor should have died here, for real. Only Clara's plea to Time changed this...the Doctor himself said he'd been 'reset'. You people just missed it entirely. You completely mistook what he _meant_. He was so much more stable, because he wasn't the last of a cycle, he was FIRST of a NEW cycle. That's why the TARDIS exploded, David's Doctor forcibly stoked the Energy Level to force a regeneration that should not happen...he SAID he didn't want to go...how often does ANYTHING successfully force the Doctor to do something he does not want to do? Right...not this time **_either_**.

(13th regen, 14th BODY) And so, he will continue...although, now, with the myriad ways he's cheating, there is growing evidence that because of the fact that the series makes very good money for the BBC and apparently _**they **_have decided to continue...the Doctor is still stuck with us...and this is good. _**It will give me new and varied ways and excuses to mess with my Typist's head...**_

Peter's Doctor is already TWO regenerations past the cutoff life here, so, he begun a new round of 12 bodies and this is actual Second, not First. _Sneaky old bastard_, no wonder Matt played his regeneration the way he did. Soft, loving eyes, and a very _gentle smile full of patience for people who just weren't getting it._

_Well, Matt, if you're one of those actors that read this stuff, I made sure my Typist got it. Young or old, you're still sneaky little...aaaanyway._

Peter's gonna be a good one...and if you look at his outfit, you can see echoes...now that we know they're there, of little Second. Yes, I'm going to enjoy him. I will tell you now, that any new-made Doctor that actually admits he can't remember how to fly the TARDIS with brand new synapses and wants to know if the human can...is going to be a fun Doctor. It also proves he can learn. Had some doubts about that with David's Doctor.

_**Looking forward to loving the opportunity to grow into a good muse for Pete's Doctor (Sorta sounds like Pete's Dragon, doesn't it)**_

A Time Lord only gets 12 Lives...normally. Fortunately, there's nothing 'normal' about the Doctor...:

_So we get to keep him, but by canon established events, it means he's not going to his final death anytime soon and that means we've all got a license to make up new Regenerations no one has ever heard of for him..._

Well, yes, that too, Typist.

_Like Tom Baker stating quite clearly during his tenure as the Fourth Doctor, that he (4th) was 750 years old. Given that 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th all spent from a couple hundred to several hundred years in the Body and given that the War Doctor fought the Time War for several hundred more, Nine was lying about a lot more than which life he was on...add another thousand years to his age, people._

Ah yes...forgot about that. Yes, I suppose you should do that...the lot of you.

_**Fuck you**_

Sorry, I'm afraid I'm not interested.

_**AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!**_

_**~finis~**_


End file.
